Driven to Death

Some days I want to retreat to a dark room and curl up in a fetal position. Some days I feel so weary I just want to cry. I have a to-do list that stretches from here to Montana, each task demanding my very best. Idle is a four letter word. My desire to be a good mom, a good wife and good christian propels me. I am incapable of "doing nothing", which drives my husband crazy. If I am sitting on the couch, I must be reading something to better my mind. Even shows I've recorded on the DVR become one more thing I need to check off my list. This ridiculous addiction to accomplishment is exhausting and totally unnecessary. Why is it so hard for me to just "be"? Maybe there is a part of me that feels it's not enough. That I'm not enough.

Perhaps Martha shared my twisted self perception. Luke 10:38-42 reads,
"As Jesus and the disciples continued on their way to Jerusalem, they came to a certain village where a woman named Martha welcomed Him into her home. Her sister, Mary, sat at the Lord's feet, listening to what He taught. But Martha was distracted by the big dinner she was preparing.

She came to Jesus and said, 'Lord, doesn't it seem unfair to you that my sister just sits here while I do all the work? Tell her to come and help me.'

But the Lord said to her, 'My dear Martha, you are worried and upset over all these details! There is only one thing worth being concerned about. Mary has discovered it, and it will not be taken away from her."

What drove Martha to make this extravagant meal? I'm sure it was her desire to honor and please Jesus. Later chapters reveal how much she loved Him. Certainly her intentions were good, but Jesus was interested in something other than her service. He was interested in KNOWING her.

He praised Martha's sister Mary for just sitting still. Mary sat quietly at His feet, listening, learning, drinking in all that He said. She gave Him her undivided attention. THAT is all that Jesus wanted.

I believe God put this story about Martha and Mary in the bible for those of us who are perversely driven, to discover what Jesus values most. Relationship. No more stressing and striving, just abiding in Him. Trusting that that is enough. I am enough.